House Evans

 

Team Oarsome - House of Evans

If your kids need a soothing bedtime story, then there is none better than Simon Scharma’s ‘A history of House Evans: A pursuit of pain, glory and sexiness’. In it he charts the meteoric rise of house Evans, beginning with the old Norse gods Ty (the god of war and the one who decided who won battles) and Forseti (the god of justice) who carved him from stone and committed their great powers to the newly crafted Viking warrior, Thor Evans, founder of house Evans and a warrior/god who shamed the other gods through his oarsomeness, heroism and incredible good looks. The weaker gods knew they’d always appear merely mortal in contrast and so he was banished from Valhalla. As he boarded his longship ‘the bull’ all the women of valhalla flocked to the ship (their only human after all) and paddled him to the mortal world in perfect timing (the first recorded meeting of the Oarsome ladies team)

Through the generations, members of house Evans have drunk deeper, fought harder, flew higher and perfected their rhythmic paddling. This generation’s Alpha-Evans, David Richard, woowed a clan Leftley shield maiden and hence forth a new breed of heroes emerged headed by Elsie Leftley-Evans, a being of purest Oarsomeness. Elsie and Oscar Leftley Evans are founding members of the Team Oarsome juniors and are the first in a new army of genetically engineered super rafters.

Simon Sharmas second volume of House Evans has been delayed, folloing heavy redaction and still held up by, at the time of writing, 27 separate lawsuits. The recent drafts have carried the working title House Evans, A ferocious march to leniency, which deals solely with David Richard’s eight minute ‘reign of joy’ as Team Oarsome captain where justice was delivered and much weakness was expelled.